I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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