I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
