Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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