The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
