She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Floor bacon is actually really good
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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