One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
