btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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