Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
