you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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