So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
