Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
