Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
