he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
