I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
