SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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