I just pynch a tree in the face
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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