don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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