It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize