She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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