It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
