she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
