You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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