Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
