So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
