An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
