Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
