one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
