Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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