How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
