you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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