I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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