when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
