Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
