I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize