what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
