The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
