She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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