mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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