Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
