So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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