Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
