If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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