Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
