She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
