dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
