Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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