just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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