i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
