Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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