you win again, gameday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
