he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
