dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
