I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
