I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
