chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
