so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
