The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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