Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
