for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
