I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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