when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
