If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am one with the molecules
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
