you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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