yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
