My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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