I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize